All posts by abrandnewline

About abrandnewline

a math teacher, talking about herself, her kids and her class whether or not anyone is listening.

The Boat. Or what it feels like to be a tenth year teacher.*

*for me

February 3, 2011 I wrote this post:

The Boat. Or what it feels like to be a first year teacher.*

*for me.

 

So there is this big sea.  And it is all full of math (and other) teachers.  And they are all in their ships.  And their ships are super super cool, like with fancy masts and steering devices and sails and the what not. And they are sailing along building new and fancy things for their ships.  Once and while they have an issue but you know they have all this stuff to fix their issues.  So yea, the crow’s nest is tipping but it’s cool cause they have just the right tool for that. And they have holes sometimes but they have patches to fix their holes.

And then there’s me.  And I am swimming.  I have one maybe two pieces of wood that I am attempting to nail together while swimming. Which is tough let me tell you.  I have all the tools to make a boat but I have to carry them while swimming and hold my wood together and hammer the nail.

And while I am doing all this the teachers in the other boats (and anyone else who thinks/ heard/ knows anything about boatbuilding) are all throwing plans at me. How to build rotating crow’s nests, tye dyed sails and self steering ships and telling me how important all these things are.

And I am treading water, trying to hold on to all of my tools and hammer my wood together and sometimes I just want to yell,

“I DON’T EVEN HAVE A BOAT, YET.”*

*but there is a yet 

Now, let me tell you, in year ten, I have a boat. It is beautiful and it is different than I ever imagined. It is full of memories of students it has carried. It has so much room for all of them and their baggage. It carries them and me with room to spare.  It has so many gadgets and tricks and rainbow sails that blow in the wind. But often, even with all my new ideas, I still chart my course using pencil and paper.

My ship now helps other ships and their builders. Some times I toss tools to other builders or let them hitch their boats to mine. Sometimes I hand them the wrong thing or accidentally knock them off course but I do my best to be steady and stable when they need me.

The sea though, the sea has gotten infinitely bigger. The storms I encounter are stronger, they are more dangerous, they matter so much more. Occasionally (read often) I steer right into them.  My boat is tough, my sails are bold, I chose the direction I sail based on gut and experience but still the journey is rough.

Sometimes I think about an island. I think about my boat docked in the sun. I think of tans and drinks with umbrellas and naps.  I cry at the idea of ease. I cry thinking of sailing being easy. I cry thinking of port and sun and tans.

Then, seeing a storm, I steer directly into it. It is where I am most needed so it is where I go. Sometimes I cry in the storm, too but I know. I know there wasn’t another choice.*

 

*for me.

Tales From The Chalkline (Part 2)

Alright friends, let’s try this again.

I just got back from NCTM and I was trying to think of how to reflect and Tina said this:

Tina is not the first person to tell me this.  In fact this is the third time I have seriously considered rebooting Tales from the Chalkline. If you’re confused here’s archive of posts. Dan’s working on getting season 1 up so people can listen if they’re interested and I’m gonna do a Welcome Back episode but I’d like to try something I’ve never done before.  Do any of you listen to It’s Been a Minute with Sam Sanders on NPR? It’s an excellent podcast and at the end of the podcast he plays clips that people sent in about the best part of their weeks and I LOVE it.

Soooo… I’m gonna do the same thing here, except here are the instructions.

  • Record a less than 30 second clip on your phone.
  • Start with your name
  • Then answer one of the following:
    • One thing you LOVED at NCTM
    • One thing you would like to see change
    • One thing you are taking away from NCTM
  • email it to talesfromthechalkline@gmail.com
  • You have until Friday the 12th.

So it might sound like

“Hi, This is Anne. The one thing I would change about NCTM is I would like to have more time for teachers to connect. I get the most out of time I spend with other teachers and I would like more structured time for that!”

Does that make sense? Feel free to tweet at me if you have a questions (btw all smart phones have a voice memo app).

Also, if you are a long time Chalkline listener (or just a big Anne supporter) I’m gonna ask that you retweet this post with someone who you would like to send me a voice memo. That would be super helpful!

 

 

Lots of Feelings

I had a lot of feelings.  If you know me this is probably unsurprising to you but not usually sad. Usually anger.  You see I’ve been out here being frustrated for years and if we’re being real honest, which I am in this space, I was mad because everyone wasn’t doing what I wanted when I wanted to. (Because even in my 30’s I am still a brat)

I wanted to talk about race and equity in 2013 if you got to my twitter timeline you can find receipts from all the other times I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to talk because I had no idea what to do.  Like NONE. I was a 26 year old white girl who had been teaching maybe all of 2 years. What I needed was other people to join in the conversation. I found Jason and Grace. They were there for the conversation. But looking back… Where were the other white people?

Then I went to TMC and wrote this post where I talk about all the awesome people I met.  Hey look, I found all the white people (and Fawn<3).

As I read through my blog. I can find all the times I wanted to talk about race.  I was really looking for someone to talk to.  I was trying to figure out what the fuck I was supposed to do.  I wasn’t educated in any of this.  My schooling looked so much like other white people I know.  I didn’t see the water until recently.  All of the years of education I had had been full of so many lies and half truths.

In 2014 I came back to California to teach public school.  I missed it.  It was the work I wanted to do. I’ve been at it 5 years now. From about 2014-2018 I was off twitter.  I was trying so hard to do the work in my home community. I can still see all the places I messed up but I messed up trying. I didn’t sit.  Occasionally, I blogged or tweeted but eight years of feeling like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of twitter was enough.

So when TMC imploded (exploded?) this year I was sad, hurt, disappointed, and really truly unsurprised.  I was sad this place that had made me feel like a better teacher might not exist anymore.  I was hurt that these people I loved had hurt my other friends and also that after 10 years we STILL hadn’t figured out how to not be racist. Or how to apologize or shut up. I was disappointed in myself. Why hadn’t I tried harder? How had I not done better in ten years?  Why had I stopped trying?

And really truly unsurprised. White fragility isn’t really surprising to me anymore.

I have gotten a lot of DMs asking what I am going to do? What do I think you should do? I don’t know. But here’s where I am at: A bunch of white people fixing a racism problem at a conference that mostly white people are at? Probably bad.  But really that’s not my problem.  My question for myself is “What do I want?” and I have been thinking about that for a while now.  What I would like is an Equity/Math conference. So I’m gonna hang out for while and see what comes of that and if the answer is nothing maybe I will help form one but not today. Today I am still in my feelings.

 

 

From the brains of people much more eloquent than me:

While your here can you do me a favor and read Annie’s Post on this and reflect a little, Shana’s Post on the need for urgency and maybe go do something at your school or work, and Christie’s Post and figure out how you can be a force for positive change and how you can help your students be that, too.

Article Group Week 3.

Happy Monday,
I meant to send this out on Friday but it didn’t happen. We will be meeting this Friday at lunch in my room.  This week’s reading is focused on MacArthur Genius Grant awardee Nikole Hannah-Jones.  She writes about school segregation for the New York Times.  You have three options:
1) A podcast option!  Listen on your way to school.  I am not doing this to make it easier for you. I truly believe what we are doing is work and it is work worth doing but this is a great interview.  The podcast is called “Why is this happening with Chris Hayes?” And the episode title is “School Segregation in 2018 with Nikole Hannah-Jones” from July of this year.  Please try to sit down for five minutes after you listen and jot down your thoughts so you have thing to discuss Friday.
The other two are options are from her writing for the NYT
2) “Choosing a School for My Daughter in a Segregated City” is the second option. This is a great option if you have kids and have had to (or are going to) chose a school for them.  I read this a couple years ago and found it fascinating without having kids.
3) “The Resegregation of Jefferson County” is the third option. I would call this the bonus option.  It’s a good read particularly if you are of the belief that Brown v. The Board of Education ended school segregation.
The questions are simple:
1) What was one thing in the article that surprised you?
2) What was one thing that made you feel defensive and think “Well we don’t do that here!”?
3) How does [our school] contribute to school segregation or inequity in school in [our community]?
Have a great week!  See you Friday!
Anne

Being called out is really not that bad.

I am white.  I was raised in a family that while we had some financial issues they never made it to me.  I have tenure.  I have an aggressively strong union. I have parents who could house me if my house burned down.  I am infinitely hirable.  I could, if I chose, stop teaching and go back to school full time.  I have less than $5,000 dollars in student loans left.  This is all to say my social and life safety net is really just a bed maybe 3 feet below me. I am v safe.

I have been engaging more in the anti-racism work happening in edu-twitter (also in my school and classroom) and more specifically I have been working to engage others in the #MTBoS in this work.  One big push back I get is that people don’t want to fuck up. They don’t want to say the wrong thing.  I think there are two big pieces of this:

  1. We (white people) don’t want to be called out. I am sitting here trying to phrase this nicely but come on, DEAL WITH IT.  Being called out is a chance to grow.  No one on twitter expects you to say the right thing all the time.  I’ve been called out at least three times in the last month by Black Women who I like and respect and want to like and respect me. You know what? I am fine.  It sucked in the moment and I had to apologize but I won’t do it again which makes there conversations easier everyday.  Maybe some people like me less because of something I said.  You know what? That doesn’t affect the need for me to keep trying and the need for us as teachers to keep doing this work.  I will keep trying and maybe people will like me again and maybe they won’t because and that’s okay, I’m an adult. I don’t need everyone on twitter to like me.
  2. We are afraid of being called racist. Here we go, if you are a white teacher you are racist. I am a racist. Look I did it.  I called you a racist. I called myself a racist. We all survived. Now move on and do the work.

Back to the start of this: If you are a white teacher you almost definitely have a safety net big enough to get involved.  So do it.  Join #CleartheAir chat.  Find some people on #educolor to follow and retweet and reply.  As Aminatou Sow says, “read a book” but then get on twitter and share some thoughts. If you’re looking for more ways to get involved or people to follow tweet at me.  I’ll help.

On students teaching teachers.

I might be wrong.  I often am. Here is a thing I am struggling with: We had our second race and racism article group yesterday with our staff and at the end a bunch of people talked about wanting to have students come in and talk to us about their experiences. I am not sold yet.  Here are some pros and cons and I would love to know anyone else’s thinking:

pro: our students know their experiences better than we do so letting them share is a good thing.

con: we have only been talking ourselves for like two weeks.  we are just scratching the  surface of the work we can first.

pro: impact of students speaking is huge

con: I am nervous that there will be some “that doesn’t happen here” language and it will make us think we are magical unicorns

con: I don’t believe it is the job of our students of color to teach their white teachers about racism and moreover I am really concerned about systems of oppression and I am not convinced our students know about that

pro: it might get a lot of teachers to show up

con: if they only show up for that one is it really helping anything

con: I am really concerned about power dynamics

 

Pros? Cons? What you got for me? Are my concerns unwarranted?

Week 2. Addressing Race and Racism Among Teachers

So about 16/36 of our staff members came to our first Article Chat and we are continuing the work this week! I am not ready to share how I feel it is going beyond it feel good to see a big chunk of our staff and the conversation was solid. I want to make sure I am respecting the privacy of the space.

If you are interested in following along or using this at your school here’s the email I send:

Hey Y’all,

Thank you to all of you that came to article group last week!  It was so great!  We had 16 participants and I so appreciate each and everyone of you. If you didn’t come last week you are extra invited this week. Please join us.

Week 2 will be Friday the 21th at lunch.  Attached is the reading.  Suggested by Melanie we will be reading The Silenced Dialogue: Power and Pedagogy in Educating Other People’s Children by Lisa Delpit. It is LONG so we will only be reading the first 6 pages (numbered 280-285)

As you read here are some questions to think about:

1. As you read the first two pages

  • if you are a white person: have you had people of color share experiences like this?  How did it make you feel? What behaviors or attitude shifted after you listened? Did you feel defensive? Do you feel defensive now?
  • If you are a person of color: Have you had experiences like the ones shared? Have you had conversations about them? How are those conversations different with white people vs with other people of color?

2. On page 283 there is a list of five aspects of power.  Looking at specifically at #1 What issues of power do you see in our school?  What do you see in your classroom?  How are you reenforcing the power of the dominant culture (white supremacy) in your classroom?  How are you pushing back against it?

3. When you finish go back and pick a quote that particularly struck you and come prepared to share it with a neighbor.

Here’s the article: Power

I hope you’ll join us!

Anne

My work this week.

This is a fast blog post.  Coming off of Val’s work with #ClearTheAir. I sent this email to my staff:

Hey Y’all,

I understand that we all have an abundance of things on our plates but I am interested in continuing our anti-racism work at [our school]. So, I will be holding an article club in my room every other Friday at lunch.  I will send out the reading, at the latest, the Friday before with some questions to think about as you read. This will be an open space for conversations and obviously other people can select the article if that’s something they are interested in.  I am hoping lots of you can and will join. If this kind of conversation makes you feel uncomfortable then you are extra invited!

Week 1 will be next Friday the 7th at lunch.  Attached are two readings.  #1 is Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack by Peggy McIntosh and the second is a collection of Racial Identity Models complied by Val Brown for the #ClearTheAir twitter chat.

As you read #1 some questions to think about:
1) What privileges do you have as you walk around in the world?
2) How are your privileges different than those of your students?
3) Are there privileges you read about that you hadn’t thought of before on the list or ones that you feel are missing?
4) What privileges do groups of students have [at our school], in your classroom?

As you read #2 some questions to think about:
1) Where do you fall on these scales?
2) Where do you feel like our students fall?

I hope you’ll join me!
Anne

#1 mcintosh #2 Compilation_of_Racial_Identity_Models

 

That’s it.  We’ll see how it goes.

What if I did this every week? V2

You didn’t believe me did you?  I didn’t believe me.  But let’s try two weeks without getting too excited.

Things I Read

This article by Melinda Anderson called The Secret Network of Black Teachers Behind the Fight for Desegregation it’s an interview with Vanessa Siddle Walker as an intro to her new book The Lost Education of Horace Tate: Uncovering the Hidden Heroes Who Fought for Justice in Schools which I am excited for.

This article about a woman who almost died just trying to tough.  It reminded me some of the book I read this week called Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle which I have very very mixed feelings on. I don’t actually know if I recommend this book but I totally recommend following her on instagram.

Beyonce’s Vogue article is awesome. “During my recovery, I gave myself self-love and self-care, and I embraced being curvier. I accepted what my body wanted to be. After six months, I started preparing for Coachella. I became vegan temporarily, gave up coffee, alcohol, and all fruit drinks. But I was patient with myself and enjoyed my fuller curves. My kids and husband did, too.”

Then there is a great piece about Tina Knowles’ art collection.“When my kids were growing up, it was really important to me that they saw images of African-Americans,” Lawson tells me. “I’m so happy that I did, because both of them are really aware of their culture, and I think a lot of that had to do with looking at those images every day, those strong images.”

I am listening to A Discovery of Witches which is so far really really good.

Things I watched

I am LOVING Kim’s Convenience on Netflix.  It is one of the most enjoyable shows I have watched in a long time.  I definitely only cried a little.

Also, I’m pretty sold on World of Dance.  I just get sad that J.Lo doesn’t have as many outfit changes as I want her to.

Things I bought

I’m working on more professional dress this year (I live in SoCal people literally teach in flip flops and shorts) so I bought some skirts this one is fun and this one is my current favorite.

 

 

 

What if I did this every week? V1

Hey Friends! This a new thing I am going to try called “What if I did this every week?”

Remember when I had a season of a podcast and I would include things to read and look at?  Literal quote from my mother, “Why do you do that Anne?  I doubt anyone clicks.”  Thanks Mum, you the best.  Well y’all this is essentially that.  But without the podcast.  So basically things I’ve listened to, read, watched, bought, or talked about this week.  Maybe some questions I have?

EDUCATIONY OR JUSTICE STUFFS

First I have been reading Trouble Makers by Carla Shalaby.  I’m 1/2 through and it is outstanding. It’s a study of four students who are basically “troublemakers” in their respective classrooms.  It has me thinking about freedom and love in my classroom.  I keep coming back to the fact that just since being at DLA I have been more often telling kids I love them.  Which was NOT a thing I did my first 4 years of teaching.  Why?

I am reading it because of Val Brown‘s #ClearTheAir chat.  If you don’t have time to read the book go read and think about the chat.  Then tweet at me! I want to hear your thoughts.

I reread this old piece from Teen Vogue about the use of Black reaction gif.  Teen Vogue is doing the work y’all.

I listened to these two Podcast episodes about FX’s Pose which I intend to watch this week.  They are all different and super interesting. Still Processing, “We Chose Our Own Families“. Latino USA, “Portrait Of: 80s Ball Subculture in FX’s ‘Pose’”.

**On the recommend of a friend I listened to Nikole Hannah Jones on Why is This Happening with Chris Hayes talk about school segregation and it was deep and painful and so so real.

Maybe you should order this for your classroom? I will buy you one if you message me.

NON EDUCATION STUFFS

I am also reading some of my comic books from comic con! First Women’s World which I like to joke is Y: The Last Man without the last man. But really it’s much funnier and silly.  And I am in the middle of Bizarre Romance By Audrey Niffenegger (one of my all time favorites from Time Traveler’s Wife) and illustrated by her husband Eddie Campbell.  It’s weird and interesting and reminds me of Roald Dahl’s adult stuff.

I absolutely LOVE tv and although I didn’t watch much this week I read this article from the ringer about the 100 best episode of this century.  Please read it and talk to me. I SO need to discuss this!

I have been listening to Forever 35 a podcast about self care really.  This week they had Samantha Irby on and it was fantastic.  I do end it wanting to buy about $150 in skin care products.

And since I love when other people include stuff like this: I bought these shoes for the school year.  I have bought a pair each year for the last like 4 or 5 and I wear them 2-4 days a week. They go with everything.

**one thing you should most read/listen to this week

small goal for the week: read more of Troublemakers. Also, what if I do this again next week?