When the exhaustion is real.

It’s been almost a month since Ivanka’s Dad became our president-elect. (I stand with the podcast Call Your Girlfriend in refusing to say his name)  Maybe for some of you it was a win but for me it was a devastation.

I was, without a doubt, mean to the children for two weeks.  I found myself yelling for no reason.  I had no patience.  I cried over everything and nothing.

here is a sampling of my tweets:

I don’t know that today was my hardest day of teaching but it was the first time I’ve been brought to tears in front of a group of children.

— Anne Schwartz (@sophgermain) November 10, 2016

Woke up this morning and I don’t know if I am sick or my body is fucked up from all the crying.

— Anne Schwartz (@sophgermain) November 10, 2016

I didn’t think I had any tears left and then nothing happens.literally nothing and I’m sobbing again. what is this? Is this the new normal?

— Anne Schwartz (@sophgermain) November 11, 2016

I just discovered a child in my second period didn’t have a pencil the whole class and I reacted badly. #justincaseyouthoughtiwasmagical

— Anne Schwartz (@sophgermain) November 15, 2016

 

I cried, a lot. In fact I am crying now writing this. I am still tired. I am still emotionally wrecked.  It’s only been a month and I feel like I am supposed to be better. And I am.  I am better.  This job is too hard to do when you are empty.  It is too hard to do when your heart it broken.  It is impossible to do with any sort of quality without a deep well of empathy and patience.

So I sit here with tears that are still coming a little bit too fast and empathy that is still coming a little bit too slow and say to you, If you’re ready to rebuild those things and teach the children again, I’m trying.  I will talk with you about self care. I will laugh at your stories and I will cry about the realities of the next four years. I am lucky enough to be in a place where moving out of the sad and empty phase is possible and if you want someone to do that with, I’m here. Also, if you need someone to sit with you cause you can’t I can do that, too.

With all the love,

 

Anne

Advertisement