Sometimes it just takes one day and you know everything is going to be fine. For me that day was yesterday. I am going to rock this year. I hadn’t been sure for a few months. In fact, I had lost all confidence in my ability to teach. Questions like, “What if I can’t do math?” “What if the children hate me?” “What if suddenly after three years of teaching I have forgotten how?” Have been rattling around since June.
Although twitter math camp was amazing I left feeling a little bit less than. I love math less than these people. I might love teaching less than these people. I might be the worst in the universe. (I’m not, by the way.)
And while I have been home for three weeks doing work and hanging out those thoughts have been lingering in the back of my mind. And I’m gonna tell you something. They totally fucked with my psyche. I let them linger without talking to anyone for 3 weeks and god damn it they didn’t mess me up.
But back to yesterday. Yesterday I got an email from a student and it included this stunning quote,
I’ve decided that this year is going to be amazing and wonderful and all sorts of things that it will probably not be, but as Leonardo DiCaprio aka Jack Dawson says in Titanic, ” life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count.”
Now, it’s cheesy and silly and doesn’t undo all the feelings but it does make me feel better. I remembered that the reason I like teaching is that I love kids. That they are the best part of my job. That although I might not love math as much and I might not love teaching as much, I love this job, a lot.
I have a classroom and students and an office and dorm duty and a black hole for all my free time to fly into but all of that is what I want. I have what I want in so many ways right now. And how many people get to say that?
Also in that email was an idea that I intend to adopt: A list of why this year is going to rock. A very good friend of mine came back for the year yesterday and we starting discussing our list. If involves taking advantage of free time and many other things but the important thing is that it made me think about why this year would be amazing. And it will be. Because why the hell not?
I go back to work tomorrow and many of you have already gone back. I’ve decided to stop saying good luck to people because I don’t think we need luck. Instead I will go with: be awesome cause you already are, so it shouldn’t be that hard.