Authentic.

I read a lot of blogs.  Math blogs, fashion blogs, people blogs.  Pretty much anyone who can tell a story will get my attention.  There has been a lot of talk lately about how it can often seem from reading someone’s blog like their life is the best ever.  Like everyday they get dressed, look awesome, and have awesome days.  We all know this is not true.  No one has the best day every day.  I don’t think by reading my blog that you would think my job/life is perfect nor do I think I put up a shiny veenar of awesome on anything but if I do I’m going to dissuade you of that now:

I have been burnt out for the last month.  My teaching has been less than stellar I am not invested I don’t feel like I have enough time to take care of myself or my students and I am tired constantly.

I had a student ask why I wasn’t asking about them as much.  They actually thought I was mad at them.  I was just exhausted.

There was a week in there where I was told I looked tired about 25 times by really nice caring people.  Followed by the next week where people asked me if I was okay every hour on the hour.

I have no idea how to draw the line between social and anti-social.  When do I want to be by myself?  When am I missing out?  What time can I spend with friends that will make me feel good?  What will make me more tired? You know that feeling of being lonely and wanting to be left alone all at the same time? I feel that constantly.

Somedays I feel under appreciated then I realized that I have been a shoddy teacher recently and maybe that’s why.

I miss my family.  I miss the ocean.  While at the same time I can’t imagine being anywhere else but here.

I am 26 and I feel like there’s this big part of my life that is supposed to be starting and isn’t and I have no idea how to make it so.

I sometimes feel like there is so much negativity around me that if I complain at all I will drown in it.

On the flip side of all of this is that it is my first year teaching at an amazing school.  A school that will support me and wants me and appreciates me even when I am not sure about myself. I am in a really good place, I have some really good people and I am only 26.  There is so much time for my life to get going.  My dear friend, Elizabeth, got pink slipped this week and I got my contract for next year.  So I should really shut up but as I have said several times this year, we all have the downsides of our lives and sometimes you just have to get them out.

Elizabeth, I hated everyone who said this to me but it will be okay, maybe even better, also we have an English position open for next year if you want to move to New York (and teach English).

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