I gave a speech this morning. It was a short speech on newness. I spoke about my brother and his favorite phrase, “Hey you want to go on an adventure?” and I spoke about being new to my school. It desperately made me miss the classroom. As much as I move away from being at the front of my classroom from lecturing and such I am still at the center of my classroom. I miss that feeling. The feeling of having a group of people who want to listen to you and learn from you. I have never been afraid of public speaking. I don’t completely understand the teachers that say they can speak in front of a class but not adult. I mean I get that it’s a thing it just isn’t for me.
I am just so ready to start teaching. I think another part of it is this feeling of inadequacy. I am really good in the classroom. At least I am good enough that I feel accomplished but I was not an achiever growing up. The faculty here is very accomplished especially the other young women faculty. The all went to impressive east coast colleges. At least they all seem fancy to me. (Side note: they all also happen to be really nice women.) It’s a strange feeling of not being up to par as someone who has never really been competitive this feeling of less than is pretty awful.
It is leading me to feeling the need to prove why I was hired, I think. As soon as I get back in to the classroom I can do that because once I am in the classroom I am in my element but talking about achievements I am not. I mean I went to a fine school, I got fine grades, it took me five years not four and occasionally I feel like the slightly less impressive step-child. I’ve never doubted that what I did for me was right but it certainly wouldn’t be bragged about in these circles.
Anyway, there are some thoughts and feelings. I’ll be here at Hogwarts being, you know, awesome if you need anything.